Let mama tell you, bed rest is exhausting. It's so hard! When I was told that I would spend the remainder of my pregnancy on bed rest I thought, YES! reading Jane Austen, eating cookies, watching Home and Garden Television, kicking my feet up and sleep--lots of sleep.
June 19th, 2014 - my first day on bed rest.
Initially, it seemed easy. After all, I just had to lay down and keep you in my belly for as long as I possibly could. The hospital brought me a menu every day and I got to choose my breakfast, lunch and dinner. The first few meals were delicious! Pancakes in the morning, soup and grilled cheese in the afternoon, chicken for dinner. I couldn't have imagined that hospital food could taste so good! Not only was I fed well, but I was entertained! Home and Garden television was on for large chunks of the day. There could be no greater relief, living in a hospital cube, than to watch couples searching for their new dream home. But even more satisfying, was when I would have visitors. Real faces. Real conversations. Real encouragement.
Every other day, a nurse came in and changed my bedding. The linens were always crispy fresh. I had an IV in my arm and was only allowed to go to the bathroom, then back to bed. If I wanted to take a shower, daddy or grandma had to help me, and I had to be sitting down for that too. I only sat up to eat. Mama was laying down with the pink giraffe grandma bought for you for most of the day, everyday. You see, I was not just battling my own body to keep you in. I was battling gravity. Gravity was pushing you down, and my thin cervix was not helping keep you in. Laying down flat was the only thing I could do. Every three hours a nurse came in and monitored me. We listened for your heart beat, my blood pressure was taken, and we looked for contractions. Every three hours was not so bad--at first.
One exciting thing that happened during the first few days of my hospital stay was that on June 21, I felt you hiccuping and heard it on the monitor! The nurse encouraged me, telling me that you were strengthening your lungs and that it was good practice. Every time you got the hiccups I sat there happily and soaked them in. Throughout our time together in the hospital, your little hiccups kept me encouraged and gave me hope! I knew you were okay. I was glad that you were strengthening those little lungs. I was happy you were still in my belly. every minute. every hour. every day gained, counted...so very much because it was time you needed to develop a little bit more.
Not all of bed rest was so pleasant. The meals, though they were good, started getting old and as I ate the same thing over and over, I began to dread meal times. When daddy and/or grandma and grandpa brought me food it was SO good. As time passed, I grew more and more tired of the food. I felt guilty because I knew that I should be thankful and grateful to be eating food that was nourishing my body and you, but I became discouraged and my attitude was not always one that I am proud of.
One of the nurses, my favorite nurse, Jane, told me how to order food that was in the cafeteria but not on the menu. She told me all of the best meals to order, snacks that were available and called down for me when my order was incorrect. I am and will always be grateful for Jane. Sweet, spunky Jane.
After laying down for weeks, my muscles began to atrophy(they were getting weaker from not being used). I was told to move my legs around in bed, to keep my blood circulating so that I wouldn't get blood clots. Special boots were ordered for my legs that would tighten and then loosen to help keep the blood flowing while I was sleeping. When I walked to the bathroom, my legs gave. I began to get dizzy after short walks to the bathroom and back. My body was weak and I was discouraged because I knew I had the ability to get up and move. I could walk if I wanted to. But because you needed more time, laying down was a sacrifice mama had to make. When my condition was stable, my IV was removed and I was allowed to shower.
I struggled spiritually during my laying down time. I felt discouraged at times and had a bad attitude other times. I grumbled in my heart. I worried. I missed my church family. I missed hearing sermons and praising God in song. I missed my family. I felt like the world and everyone in it was moving forward and I was stuck. The summer was passing me by and I was watching through the window. I realized my own selfishness more than I ever had before, and it brought me to tears. I'm sure the hormones didn't help. I was downright unpleasant sometimes. Thank the Lord for your daddy who loved me despite my whirlwind of emotions. Your daddy who pointed me to the grace of Christ by loving me when I was hard to love. Your daddy who reminded me of the Gospel. I was especially thankful for the Word.
During this time, mama began to read the book of Job. Job lost everything, Mercy. E v e r y t h i n g he had. He lost his health, his home, his children, his wife told him to curse God and die. Yet he held on to the Lord. He didn't speak against the Lord. He trusted in the Lord. He worshipped the Lord. He praised Him. WOW. What an amazing understanding of God. Job understood that God is sovereign. He knew God. That God is good, kind and loving. That God gives us all that we have and can take it all away because He owes nothing to us. I prayed to be like Job. To praise my heavenly Father in the midst of storm and hardship. I prayed to trust Him fully. I prayed for joy no matter what. I prayed for peace that passes all understanding. God heard my prayers and I had peace. Through discouragement, I had peace. Though I was bed ridden I was happy. I thought of you over myself. I began to write letters to to encourage others. I started reading more and even painting. I wrote a particular verse down. I remembered it. I thought about it. I prayed it. I needed to trust in the Lord.
"Though He say me, I will hope in Him"
Job 13:15
You, little girl; the situation, the early labor, bed rest...It had to happen. It was good. If for no other reason, it helped teach me to fully put my trust in the Lord.
Some specific days I want to remember are:
June 30: My first wheel chair ride! Daddy took me for a spin around the hospital and outside for some fresh air!
July 5: My second wheel chair ride followed by falling asleep to fire works right outside of my hospital window.
July 7: My first walk around the hospital floor with daddy, holding my hand.
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